Thursday, February 20, 2014
Finding my voice - Faith Jam
My voice isn't necessarily always in tune. It gets nervous at the idea of being heard. It has been compared to others and fallen short. It has been rejected and deemed not quite good enough. It has been included in the choir and rejoiced at being part of the chorus.
When it sings to God sometimes it soars. Someone once asked how it got so strong....probably due to having to fight to even exist.
I didn't dream much about singing in public when I was a schoolgirl - solos were a petrifying idea, even though I liked thinking of the honour attached to being chosen. But now... I live vicariously through the tv shows and wonder if my idea of taking singing further is a delayed adolescent dream, or something that ultimately might be part of a plan...
Currently my favourite show is "The Voice" - the auditions are conducted in front of a live audience but the judges are facing the other way and cannot see the contestant. The idea is that they will be judged on their voice alone and not on how they look or anything else. I like the premise. I have also been inspired by the criteria they are looking for. They have 'turned round' for people sometimes who have not sung perfectly, they might have made some small mistakes or their nerves might have become audible, but, their voice is unique, their voice is interesting, their voice expresses their emotions and tells a story.
Those features that they are looking for on 'The Voice' have become my goal for my own voice. The voice that comes out of my mouth both spoken and sung, my voice here on my blog and my voice that is how I live my life. I want my voice to be authentically 'me' - it might take a while to evolve, but that's ok. I want to have the courage to put my voice out there, even if it shakes or hits an occasional bum note, if the message is significant then those things don't matter. I would rather be judged on my voice than what I look like or other choices I make in my life. I'm learning that people might actually be interested in my story.
I feel happiest when I sing. I feel close to God when I worship in song. It makes my stomach churn with emotion and urgency. I have a list of songs that tell the story of my life as they are attached to various times of my life. And then God gave me a new song. One that was my own. He gave me the words and then I prayed for the tune and up popped a folk tune that was familiar to me that fitted with the lyrics - amazing!
I carried my song with me for more than a year until I found the right place and time which turned out to be my bible study group. And now I'm going to be even braver and share it here.