Friday, April 26, 2013

the longest day

Princess Morag remembers those looooong days (and nights) when the young master and maiden were babies and the feeding and changing and rocking and feeding and changing just never stopped.  This week Sir Rianus and the Princess decided to celebrate their eighth wedding anniversary by getting some sort of virus that made them feel quite nauseous.  It's more romantic than it seems as it brought back memories of the first two trips they took together when they were dating.  These trips were far more intimate than they should have been in all the wrong ways!  And feeling sick did make their 'special day' seem never ending!  In fact the whole week has felt that way to Princess Morag as she has continued to experience symptoms and the usual antics of the children seem to increase in irritation value.  There have been cute moments, such as the young maiden bringing her "tuggly toys" to sit beside the Princess and comfort her, but the Princess is hoping that the lingering lurgy, as Sir Rianus coined it, will soon no longer be a feature of their lives.  Let the days be short and merry, not long and nauseated....please!

But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: with the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day." 2 Peter3:8

Friday, April 19, 2013

emotional manna

Sometimes the Princess gets bloated, and thanks to having two babies, in two years, by two c-sections her stomach muscles are not exactly resistant and so she tends to look pregnant when this happens.  Princess Morag also gets emotionally bloated, and when trapped wind or trapped emotions sneak out, it's kind of embarrassing.

Recently Princess Morag has been looking for, and recording the emotional manna of each day.  She suspects that the Israelites when they were wandering in the desert didn't get much indigestion.  Being sustained on the weird new bread that was fresh every morning, they were able to get on with their wandering.  Princess Morag finds her manna in fragments of her day - today the maiden was excitedly blowing bubbles and there was enormous peace in that - a reminder to be still, and know that God is with us.

Princess Morag also received a package today.  The gifts for her children and the words on a page brought laughter, tears, joy, relief and love to her soul.  There is much power in gift-giving, in generosity and the ability to receive.

Princess Morag was also nourished by the artistic creations of her children, inspired by their lack of self-consciousness in  what they were doing and their lightness of heart.  She delighted in their talent and did not think to compare it to anyone else's.

God told the Israelites that they could not store their manna for the next day, except for the day before the Sabbath when they were to collect twice as much.  And so it is with the little things that 'keep us going', they cannot be saved, but they can be treasured.  The little maiden will be one day older tomorrow and soon not so little anymore, but the Princess is trying to trust that there still will be manna, it might look different, but will hopefully be just as sweet to savour on the day it is given.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Safe space

Princess Morag wonders where is your safe space?  Recently the Princess was inspired to create a sensory retreat for her kids in the bottom of their closet.  And the young master caught on with the concept thanks to the Dinosaur Train episode in which Mrs Pteranodon sends all her children away to find a 'calm space'.  When his sister has been crying recently he wants to make her go into the calm space but so far she has resisted his command!

Today Glennon was asking how we can keep our babies safe in this world.  The princess has taken this question to heart since her offspring arrived because from the moment they are conceived a mother's heart is full of anxiety for them. And she knew that her fear could rule their lives and Princess Morag didn't want to live in fear, or her children live in the shadow of it.  It seems to the princess that to be known and loved and accepted are the prerequisites for being able to take reasonable risks.  The princess put herself in a precarious position once when she was a teenager and is thankful that no harm was done to her.  She thinks maybe the people who take risky risks are testing how far they can go, because they want someone to catch them, they are not at all sure that they can count on others; if they come to harm then what does it matter if nobody knows or notices or cares? There is no safe space to turn to.

On the other hand, if there is a safe space, if there is someone who will catch you when you fall, you can try flying and keep trying even if you keep crashing to begin with.  What can be more dangerous than living a life of love?  Where is the safe space you can retreat to when it threatens to crash down on you?

Keep me safe, my God,
    for in you I take refuge.  Psalm 16.1

Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.  Ephesians 5. 1-2

Saturday, April 13, 2013

hoping better

Princess Morag gets frustrated with her husband quite often over his pessimism.  And has always thought of herself as an optimist.  But recently she's been struggling with that idea.  Probably because she has been living in a bit of a dark cloud despite the sun shining on her every time she leaves the castle apartment.  She's been reading the bible and considering God's promises to his people.  He seems pretty keen to give them good things.  At the beginning of the year the Princess was trying to hold on fast to those promises, that 2013 would contain good things for her and her family.  Four months later and optimism just doesn't cut it.  She knows what she needs is FAITH.  Whenever she tries to figure out with her little human mind, how things are going to work out - she gets stuck and goes round in unsatisfying circles.  She knows deep down that God is a God of surprises, that he does the unexpected, that he makes a way where there is no way.  So her efforts at foretelling the future are futile and disheartening.  And even the things she hopes for are probably not on the same wavelength as what God is thinking about.  Most of the time her optimism reaches the extent of hoping for a little bit better than the worst case scenario. And when she suspects that God might have bigger plans she gets scared and hides.  So hiding in a back room like the disciples did even after the resurrection, she is waiting for something to happen. And she's struggling to trust that whatever happens whether within the realms of her imagination or not, it will be for the best.

..." a better hope is introduced, by which we draw near to God". (Hebrews 7.16)

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

nurse for the day

Princess Morag has been stressing out lately about what she's supposed to be doing with her days. What is her priority? Today even before events unfolded she stopped tying her thoughts in knots and figured it had to be her children. Sometimes (most of the time) the Princess makes things way more complicated than they need to be. So right now she is holding her feverish four year old with satisfaction because there isn't anything better than snuggling with her daughter even though she does wish for her to be well.

Monday, April 08, 2013

doctor death threats

Healthcare is different in the new realm.  Princess Morag isn't sure she likes it.  Nobody really calls the Princess on the telephone, so it was disturbing to get a call.  And then another call after she ignored the first one.  This is how it goes - the doctor tells the nurse to call, the nurse calls to say the doctor wants to order blood tests, she isn't even very nice about it, the patient is supposed to comply.  The thing is, these are 'routine' blood tests and the Princess isn't feeling very compliant, especially when she knows that it is going to cost her money.  She also feels quite rebellious towards medial professionals in general.  She doesn't always believe that 'doctor knows best'.  What if the doctor has a big ego or is covering his own back or is just trying to make some money?

Due to her ignoring the problem, hoping it would magically go away, the Princess received a letter.  It was quite shocking.  "I informed you that it was necessary to get certain tests done.  I strongly urge you to proceed with this without further delay.  Your neglect in this matter may result in missed diagnosis, resulting in grave consequences, including disability and death."  Princess Morag did not expect such a strongly worded admonishment over a few routine blood tests.  She's still quite unimpressed over the whole matter.  It makes her anxious for a number of reasons - she's rule-breaking by not doing as she was told, the doctor is saying it could be a matter of life and death and she's really a bit scared of dying, and she's embarrassed by the whole thing snowballing into a big deal.  And if she's the 'customer' in this situation, why are they not being more polite?

Princess Morag isn't going to be a 'good patient', it's a rubbish role.  Patient-centred care is a strange myth that is banded around by allied health professionals and completely ignored by most doctors.  Princess Morag knows that she isn't very good at self-care, but she isn't fond of being bullied either.  She's not ill, so she doesn't want to go to the doctor - simples!

Tuesday, April 02, 2013

feeling at home

Princess Morag, Sir Rianus and the small people celebrated Easter at the church where the latter three were baptised.  The young master complained that he didn't like that church, as it was too big, Princess Morag was apt to agree.  There were many family members and friends to be visited over the long weekend so returning to the current castle apartment was a relief.  But Princess Morag felt most at home when this morning she was sandwiched between her two children.  The fruit of her womb on either side, she sighed savouring the sense of belonging together before getting ready for the resumption of routine.