All in life's mix.

I'm not a misery guts,
I wasn't born to cry.
I've had to endure some crap,
Before I could learn to fly.

The tears, irritation, anxiety and rage,
Are not really me, it's just I was scared.
Scared of life, scared of death, scared to really try.
I want things to be easier, but easy means to die.

Death would be easy, it's life that's the struggle.
But just because I've made mistakes, doesn't mean I'm in trouble.
Trying to be perfect while painfully aware I was not.
I was never going to succeed no matter how close I got.

What I wanted was love, but it was elusive.
I wanted back in, but their new lives were exclusive.
I have my own life and my own children now;
But there is something still missing, no matter how
I do my best to love, do my best to mother.
But I feel abandoned and lost because he chose another.

Someone else's daughter was deemed better than me.
How could that be possible?  It should never be!
To forget your own child and choose someone else instead.
Thank goodness for God's promises inside the bible I've read.
He has chosen me for His, He will never forget.
I will always be loved and cherished;
I can't be lost in a bet.

This knowledge helps, but is not the same as escaping rejection
I understand pain and heartbreak;
a gift received, despite objection.
I don't like the suffering and grief that are part of life's mix.
Yet He promises to make good from the things we'd rather He magically fix.
Who am I to try to return this gift to my maker?
I will try to trust this recipe sent by the Heavenly baker.