Monday, September 29, 2014

What I learned in September...

  1. I relearned that I am human, NOT superhuman (seriously important lesson!)
  2. My favourite tv programs starting back makes me really happy :D
  3. Behind the scenes of The Big Bang Theory is AWESOME!! (who's jealous?!)
  4. Co-workers think I'm funny :)
  5. Hand clapping games with my son helps him make eye-contact and seem to fill us both with the same large amount of joy.
  6. Forcing my kids (and me) to go play outside is worth it.
  7. I am definitely a warm/cool-weather type person vs hot/sunny weather - I LOVE AUTUMN.
  8. Seeing the glow of the pink sunrise on the mountains helps me not hate getting up early quite so much.
  9. I remain marvelous at procrastination.
Linking up with Emily @

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Time to celebrate - or is it?

I don't think I would have swapped it.  Swapped my china dog for the shiny trophy.  I was happy with the china dog, he was cute.  And I was pretty happy with second place, I knew I was good at schoolwork.  But I did wonder if my parents would have been happier if I'd been first.  I did wonder if it would have made a difference.  If there might have been a fuss made.  I didn't want a huge fuss, but a little fuss, a little celebrating; that would have been nice.

I can admit that now, but it's still hard.  I think that's when it started.  My elusive search for 'the thing' that would make them happy, make them proud, and make me special.  It's taken me more than twenty-five years to realise that it's never going to happen.  And if I'd been top of the class when I was five years old, there still wouldn't have been a fuss then either!

There's been plenty of worry over small things and minimising of things that actually were a big deal.  That has always been the pattern.  Lots of getting on with it and "Well, you'll just have to...."  The latter one was a favourite; when I was seven years old I thought it was one word - hafto.  I heard it so often, I wanted to use it in my writing vocabulary at school.  There weren't many choices, there were a lot of haftos in my young life.

That's what was important.  Doing the things I had to do, even when I didn't know why I had to do them.  The main reason why I had to do them was because of the authority of the person who was doing the asking and the futility of ever questioning why.

Now that I'm grown, I rebel against that voice in my head that says I have to do things.  As a result, my house is not very clean, my daughter often goes to school with her hair unbrushed and I haven't been to the dentist in a l o n g time.  I have tried to throw off the shackles of the haftos for the things that have more long-term significance.  I don't know if I'm making the best choices this way, but I'm making the best-I-can-do-right-now choices and aiming a little higher in the future hopefully.

Then there are the things in life (like second place prizes) that warrant a little fuss, or maybe even a big fuss....and I don't know how to do it.  I've done my best to put together some sort of birthday acknowledgments for my children and sometimes even for myself.  But I still wonder how do you do this thing called c e l e b r a t e???? Seriously people, I am actually asking!!

It is nearly the three year anniversary of this Princess moving to the new realm.  Dear readers,what should she do to mark the momentous day?

Tuesday, September 09, 2014

What your heart needs for the hard days - book review

Holley Gerth is like a blogging big sister.

I never had a sister, so I love to hear her nuggets of wisdom and gentle, nurturing encouragement.  She gives me hope and points me in the right direction, just when I need it the most.

For once my life is not an urgent crisis, but that means all the other things that I haven't had time for start floating back up the top of my consciousness and create some hard days where I'm trying to process and plan, and easily become discouraged.

Her latest book "What your heart needs for the hard days" dispenses her usual easy access wisdom and has hit some pretty bittersweet spots of my life in the pages that I have read so far.

I know I am not alone in finding help and solace in Holley's words so you might be excited to know that she's hosting a #bookclubforyourheart on her facebook page.

Thursday, September 04, 2014

Whispers - five minute Friday

I'm joining five-minute friday again, now hosted at

I wanted to tell him.  I needed to tell him.  We were alone, as if it had been ordained.  It was sunrise on the beach - as romantic as it gets.  But I could only manage a whisper.  And he didn't hear me.  So I had to force my voice to form the words again, but a little louder.  "I like you".

I could admit my deepest feelings through tears and in a whisper.  She was listening intently, I didn't have to repeat myself.

They are sleeping (at last, and thank you God) and I can whisper words of love and prayers for their protection over their little heads.  Finding peace and calm that was completely elusive during their waking minutes but falls so fast with their slumber.

I whisper "help" and "thank you" sending them heavenward so often in the daily struggles.

I walk and walk and whisper Hail Marys as I process those terrible minutes when I thought she was lost.  Mary must understand, she lost Jesus and didn't find him for days until she backtracked to the temple.

I whisper to myself "you can do it" and "it's going to be okay" when I'm worried about this new step in my life.  These whispers are so much better than the internal sneers that I used to hear in my head.