Thursday, December 03, 2015

HOPE #OneWordAdvent

What do you do when you have lost hope?  In the past, I clung on to the hopes I had for relationships, for my future and for what I thought I wanted.  But gradually I have lost those hopes.  They have evaporated like steam from a kettle.  Because those hopes, that I thought were so important and central to my life, were not real hope.  They were not based on reality.  The people involved never behaved the way I thought they should, the way I really, really wanted them to.  Then it turned out that I wasn't even the person I thought I should be either.  I had such high expectations of myself and was so sure that I met them, that it didn't seem unfair that I held other people to a similar stratospheric standard.  When I truly saw my hopes, they were inadequate.  I couldn't play the role I wanted to in changing other people to conform to my dream.  I couldn't hold on to the hope of relationships and a future that were completely outwith my control.  So I let go.  And became hope-less.  But not for long.  Because I looked to the source of hope, and found a bounteous supply that I could reach for.  Hopes that were good.  Hopes that held true promise.  Hope that didn't depend on me being in control.  The things I had hoped for kept me straddled to the past.  When I saw the fruit of that arrangement:  despair, despondency, yearning, pain, it didn't seem so attractive.  Moving into a new hope and a new future and new desires took courage but was worth it.  I don't even know anymore what my hopes are specifically.  But I know in whom my hope lies.  And He brings forth good fruit:  love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, self-control.  I want my future to be filled with the hope of these things.  The hope of the gifts He offers, the hope of something new. 

1 comment:

  1. I know that road. Next to you at bonnie gray. Bless you! I think (since I'm old!) that our whole lives are a process of knowing in whom our Hope lies. No plateau of knowing yet all there is to know. But that's the grandeur of the quest -yes? yes. Have a great day!