What now?

The answer is not in a wine glass
Whether rose or chardonnay
I don't think the answer is checking off all the things on my to-do list every day.

I don't think it's as simple as letting the bygones be gone
Even though letting go is where I'm finding my beginning,
I still feel the paralysis of self-doubt and fear lingering.

I want to know who I am, who is me?
I want to feel boundless, I want to feel free.
I'm not who I was because I only thought of others
Now to discover myself, who did God make me to be?

Wind in my hair, a song on my lips
Tasting His goodness, chewing bread, wine in sips.
Jesus is mine, in Him I am found
I sing a new song, I praise Him with sound.

His blessings are present all the time, in all weathers.
He takes care of the birds, he knows all their feathers.
Every hair on my head whether white or brown,
He counts every one and then gives me a crown.

I am his daughter, He is my father, my King.
Jesus prepares me a place even as He dawns a new day.
God is the potter, I am the clay

However He fashions me, I'm willing to be molded.
I know He is good, I no longer fear being scolded.
There are things he's preparing, things for me alone to do.

I don't think they are difficult, not when I can rest in Him.
After all, He once made a miracle out of fish and bread,
And He has brought me back from wishing I were dead.

Show me Lord, the wonders and simplicity
Of living for you,
The Holy Spirit burned down the old and now I'm made new.

My grave clothes untied,
A shack destroyed.
I saw Heaven opened, angelic light and myself as a bride.

Thank you for the pictures,
Thank you for the friends,
For prayers and visions,
healing hands and glimpses round the bends.

I don't know what I'm doing or what to say,
I don't know where to go, or how to stay
Except to remember what you said to Thomas,
You will know who to follow, because I am the way.

New Life

It’s time to stop living a half-lived life.

It’s time to say goodbye to “good girl”, tuck her up and say “night, night”

Her work is done, she can do no more

Her story says “The End”

Because that’s not who I am anymore!

Seven years from being born again

But never fully claiming the freedom of what that means

Three years from making a big choice, starting to find my voice

Believing that I matter, that I can do things for ME

I’m not the only one who feels, I’m not the only one who needs set free

Free from the past and the bonds that ensnared me

Free from the pain, the fear and the tragedy

It might have been tough, but I don’t need pity

It might have been scary but I learned to be brave

I was alone and lonely but that’s not strictly true

You showed me love was present,

Now I can let go of thinking those were things only she was “supposed” to do

Comfort, nurture, love, and warmth

Hugs, a blanket, friends and prayer

Finding rest in sleep and sitting in a chair.

Flowers and sunshine, wind and rain

In all of these I was found again