Cheer

You know those weeks where each day is like walking through sand, it is hard to get up, and then when you are oh-so-glad to get to bed sleep eludes you.  The princess was having one of those weeks last week.  Hope seemed like a tiny speck in the distance that she was desperately trying to focus on, but the heavy fog was immediately apparent.  The usual routine was interrupted by a middle of the week holiday making everything more confused.  She made it to Thursday and was slogging through what needed to be done, feeling unappreciated in every way when a bright moment of literal cheer broke through the darkness.  On the way to karate for the wee man, with the little maiden in tow along with her homework, the back of the car was suddenly filled with beautiful voices in unison chanting "Mummy is the best, Mummy is the best"!!  The grin that broke out on Princess Morag's face could not have been any wider, and her heart swelled with the love that was being sown.  She received it from her children and knew that it's source was higher and bigger than that.  Thankful for the grace just when she needed it, she was re-energized and her soul sustained.

Then, on Sunday after the church and supermarket marathon, the princess noticed that Sir Rianus looked a little beleaguered so she called on the cheer squad to work their magic again - waiting at the stop light with "Daddy is the best" ringing in his ears, Sir Rianus' face was transformed from careworn, to delight.  Life is much better when you have people cheering behind you!

The testimony of soup and bread

The feeling has been nagging in the last few weeks at the Princess.  The dwindling bank balance has been fanning the flame of fear.  Her ears pricked up at church last Sunday when exhorted to follow the example of the poor widows in the readings.  The widow who was ready to prepare her last meal and succumb to the slow death of starvation met Ezekiel and the widow who put in her whole livelihood to the collection box was praised by Jesus.  These women looked scarcity in the eye and gave their last crumb away, trusting in God.  Faith is about what we don't see.

The Princess can't see the future, she can't see the provision that can/might/will happen.  She sees the lack and feels the heavy weight of responsibility and shame.  And with the weight and the shame comes the demon of disordered eating.  Coffee = compulsory and breakfast optional.  Lunch is small but an afternoon snack is fine.  Dinner in the company of others is easier.  She recognises the signs and knows her temptation.

The answer - admitting to herself the weakness.  Understanding that there is no easy route towards the destination of trust over temptation.  And continuing to cultivate the habit of self-care.  The first step was buying the leeks and potatoes.  Soup in the land of disordered eating is a gold mine - it is healthy and doesn't really feel like proper food.  She bought them in faith, that somehow she would find the strength and determination to chop and cook.  Three days later and she did.  Lifting the load of the breadmaker from the cupboard was another act of faith.  Flour, sugar, dried milk, salt, water, yeast - the routine came back.

With a stomach full of simple but good things the Princess praises God.  He is with her and she is more cognizant of that now than in previous years.  She is more inclined to believe in His love and provision and the pot full of soup and bag of bread testify to that.