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Princess Morag is a stay at home mum who tries to stay sane, hold on to her faith and keep her brain somewhat stimulated

Thursday, December 05, 2013

permission to...let the tears fall

The princess has never cried so much as she did in that counseling room.  At times, she felt outside of herself looking on at this woman who was a weeping mess, and she thought "wow, what a fuss!"  Tears had always been greeted by her family as a sign of her being 'too much'.  But there, in that room, in the presence of an empathetic soul, she could finally shed so many tears that she'd kept inside for so many years.  And they weren't 'too much', they were 'just right' even if her counselor did gently wonder at how many tears there could be!  They were the silent expression of pain and grief and longing.  And when met with tenderness, they were the most healing relief.

The princess used to laugh when she cried - it was a learned response from example and reaction.  It was a cover.  She has learned not to do that anymore.  She also wants to analyse her tears, and find out why on earth she is doing this strange thing called crying.  But sometimes it doesn't make sense, other than the fact that she is full of emotion, and it has to get out somehow.  At the beginning of advent it seems like tears are coming easily.  Having tried the analytical route and come up with a few ideas but no real answer, the princess is instead going to give herself permission for it just to happen.  The tears aren't for anyone, she is usually alone when it happens, they simply are.

It seems that many different things bring the tears, and not just sad things, but things of beauty, tenderness, innocence, longing, music.  The princess is no longer rock-like, for others to lean on.  She is more tree-like; she is still dependable but she can move, and swaying in the wind of life, she is allowing her tears to fall as the leaves do in the autumn season.


3 comments:

  1. The great unthawing of a heart is a miracle. It is a deep thing to find those tears and learn you are not too much. Thank you for sharing that with us. I too am finding tears flowing where dry creek beds had once lain. I love what you said about no longer being a rock, but a tree. Wonderful words! Isn't it an incredible thing to have an emotional response to this season? I pray your tears lead you to a joy that's been unattainable until now. God bless you!

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  2. "It seems that many different things bring the tears, and not just sad things, but things of beauty, tenderness, innocence, longing, music."

    Yes! My daughter and I commented recently on how we cry over good things more than sad things. I love your metaphor of being tree-like instead of rock-like. Beautiful. So glad you shared this.

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  3. Your journey is so familiar to me. I have gone through the same journey. I am glad you have become like the tree instead of a rock. I use to be that rock also. (coming over from Faith Barista Jam).

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