A modern, moulting mother

Since last you heard from Princess Morag she has joined the ranks of motherhood; from the time discovered she was with child, and even more so after the birth, she has held all mothers everywhere and especially her own, in much greater esteem. And despite a slight grief over the loss of the possibility of natural childbirth she mostly felt serious relief that she escaped the pain of labour and, in the words of Sir Keith, "squeezing a person out of her person"!

Three weeks on, Princess Morag is delighting in her son: Master Ryan James Valentine, who has taken the name of his father for his first name and the names of his great, great, great grandfather for his middle names. She is finding that the bond between mother and child is growing stronger as he begins to reveal a greater likeness to herself in his face as the days progress. At first, perhaps as a result of the method of delivery, it was strange to share all her space and time with this small infant; was he really the same creature who had inhabited her womb for 38 weeks? He was handed to her from behind the screen shielding her from the mysterious surgery that took place in her conscious but numb body and she reassured herself that he must be the same baby whose first cry instantly brought tears to her eyes, and looked so beautiful when he was brought to her to lie (heavily) on her chest very soon after.

Even before she conceived, Princess Morag was a strong proponent of breastfeeding and scoffed at the idea of bottlefeeding: what a hassle having to sterilise bottles, and what an unnecessary expense! She now finds herself trying to remember what time the last feed was, in order to know when the next lot of bottles must be ready for....but at least Master Ryan likes milk at room temperature - no having to queue for the bottlewarmer when she is out and about! (Bottlewarmer???? - who knew such things existed until the new world of motherhood begins to open up to you in ante-natal classes!) So what went wrong? Several things. Most of which were completely out of Princess Morag's realm of control. So she grieves over another loss of being able to do things naturally, especially as she had been holding dearly to the idea of breastfeeding throughout her pregnancy in order to make up for all the medical intervention that had been required from the very beginning. Although Princess Morag knows that her grief is a real and valid response to all that she has gone through in the last nine months, she has now been able to reflect on this transition to motherhood and wonders if she must simply accept, and once again be thankful for the 'miracles of modern medicine'.

This is where Princess Morag thinks of the differences between her and her husband. Sir Rianus is an historian of medieval times, and would probably have lived happily as a gallant knight in the middle ages. Princess Morag struggles to put aside the whole issue of no decent living conditions (she likes her castles with central heating!) and despite at heart being a dreamer, the fact of the matter is, if she had been born in that time, she and her mother would have died in childbirth and there would have been no Princess Morag to marry Sir Rianus, and definitely no little Master Ryan twenty-seven years later!

Princess Morag has a whole series of reasons to be grateful to doctors and nurses and all the other healthcare workers she has come across in her life, probably part of the reason she chose the career she did. After all, they saved her life and kept her alive when she arrived ten weeks prematurely and weighed so little. Her local family doctor eventually worked out what was wrong with her when she would collapse and stop breathing as a toddler! The surgeon operated twice on her heart and the second time mended it as completely as possible. The little pills prescribed to her for the last twenty years ensure that her life is not endangered by blood clots building up on the artificial heart valve that works so much better than the one God gave her! The radiographers can check her heart function using ultrasound, the same technique that checked that her baby was OK in the womb. The nurse showed her how to inject the alternative medicine that would continue to keep Princess Morag from getting blood clots but wouldn't cause harmful effects on her developing child. The fact that there are alternatives to the natural ways of life, has saved Princess Morag at every step of the way, so she thanks God that it has been so. Even if he is the "ancient of days", He has been in control of all the modern intervention in her life so she shall continue to thank Him for the intervention in the life of her child, including the invention of milk formula despite 'breast being best'.

Adjusting to motherhood is taking a bit of time, but there are many reasons to celebrate, of course the foremost is the new member of our new family! But leaving behind pregnancy brings renewed pleasure in little things that had to be sacrificed for a time e.g. pate, brie and wine! Reclaiming her body for herself, although it is changed forever, also pleases Princess Morag. When Master Ryan gets the hiccups now she finds it much easier to sleep through the little noise compared to the pulsing sensation she used to feel in her belly. But one of the downsides to being on the other side of pregnancy is that all the hair that chose not to fall out during pregnancy now decides it is time and when you have long hair like the Princess this causes significant hair coverage of the whole of the castle apartment; it is definitely time for Sir Rianus to get vacuuming!

Goodbye Pilgrims Hill, Hello Polmont Woods

Princess Morag and Sir Rianus continued to live happily in Pilgrims Hill for the duration of 2006 and into 2007. They worked and played and ate hundreds of candlelit dinners together. They celebrated their 1st and 2nd wedding anniversaries and also digested the happy but quite overwhelming news that Princess Morag was gestating their first child. They had thoughts about purchasing a new home but these were short-lived in this land of increasing house prices and interest rates. They had thoughts about finding somewhere bigger than their one-bedroomed castle in order to accommodate their impending progeny and were then forced into action by the 'Notice to Quit' they received with regard to their tenancy. Thus the Princess and Sir Rianus were forced into packing all their possessions and accumulated junk into many boxes and with the help of wonderful friends and relations and a big rental van, relocated to a two-bedroomed castle apartment in the nearby settlement of Polmont.

The parting from Pilgrims Hill and the Royal Burgh was not too painful, the castle of pebbledash was not a beautiful home, but it had been loved as it was the first home that Princess Morag and Sir Rianus had shared. They moved to a more attractive castle apartment with features that brought joy to the couple: a white (not avocado green) bathroom suite, fitted mirrored wardrobes, a still small, but fitted kitchen and celebrated most of all by Sir Rianus: mixer taps! Thus the reign of the Princess of Pilgrims Hill comes to an end. But the reign of the Princess of Polmont Woods begins! The vista from the new castle apartment is thankfully of the local wild territory shielding the eyes of onlookers from the unsightly industry of Grangemouth petrochemical works. Long live Polmont Woods.

Watch out - it's Winter!

There are always plenty of bugs breeding at this time of year and other more unexpected dangers: I am very grateful for my current reasonable state of health as I begin this new year of 2006. Unfortunately, my husband, Sir Rianus is not faring so well. Alas, as I write he lies in bed, feverish and feeling under the weather (which is currently cold and foggy)! I suspect he may have the nasty virus that afflicted me in November leading to much coughing, blowing of my soon very red and raw nose, and absence from my workplace. I visited the kind doctor of this royal burgh who issued me with a prescription for some useful drugs that combat infection, but being a stubborn and silly GUCH* princess, did not take them immediately. Thus I was not fully recovered when I decided that it was time to return to my usual place of daily employment. After one hour, I felt that the day would be better spent resting and was on my way to the car when I slipped on some frost...

A moment later, I was viewing the world from a horizontal position and wondering if I had bumped my head on my way down, I had definitely bumped my elbow and my underside was feeling a little tender, and yes I did believe I might have bumped the back of my head! This was BAD news! I gave myself a moment to gather myself and despite wishing to be magically transported home I knew that the right thing to do was to go back inside, and report the incident. Not only did I have to humble myself enough to admit that such a silly mishap had befallen me, I had to get checked by a doctor in Accident and Emergency to check that no serious damage had been done. Ever since I studied head injuries at college I knew that it was something definitely best avoided by people on anticoagulants, such as myself. I was right. As soon as warfarin was mentioned, guidelines were checked and the rules were: 12 hours observation. I had walked into the hospital that morning as a health professional and a few hours later was getting banded as a patient!!!!

From the receiving end, I am pleased to report that my colleagues are indeed wonderful people, and I was looked after very well. I also became aquainted with the night staff which had not been in the original plan but a worsening headache kept me in; happily I was set free the following day.

So I recovered from both cold and fall and have appreciated my sense of smell and lack of brain damage ever since! So please be careful as you go in this slippery season and look after yourself if you do catch a bug, make the most of the sofa time and let the world go on without you for a little while. When you are feeling better you can brighten it all the more with your new appreciation for your senses and life itself :-)

* (Grown Up with Congenital Heart Disease)

Announcing Princess Morag, the Grown-up graduate!

During the summer, I received correspondance regarding a graduation ceremony for those of us known as "The Grad Dips". Mercifully, we had all previously undergone the process in other subjects so were not exactly waiting with baited breath for it to be further confirmed that we are now Occupational Therapists, especially since most of us already have two certificates and job descriptions to prove so. The Occupational Therapy department at S. Martin's College, Lancaster were simply demonstrating their usual level of competence when they requested the honour of my presence in September to rather belatedly receive my college badge!

I had in fact been looking forward to some sort of an excuse to return to Lancaster. Although I spent virtually the same amount of time away from Lancaster on placement as I did residing there, I still regarded the town as my home for the two years it took me to complete my course. I had appreciated and enjoyed the fellowship I found at St Tees (St Thomas's Church of England): being a part of the student lunch gang, the friendship and support I found in my housegroup, the fabulous hospitality of my student link family which extended to providing me with a home for the last month of my course and the prayer and counselling support a wise woman of the pastoral support team provided. All of which kept my otherwise stressful and constantly changing lifestyle stable.

Going back to Lancaster was a reflective experience; all the things that I had spent my time waiting for while I was there have now happened: I managed to complete all my assignments adequately, and on time! I am now safely married, permanently reunited with my beloved therefore no longer pining after my 'phantom fiance' who nobody had met! That was one of the things that was great about going back because I was able to take Ryan with me and introduce him to my course mates and my church friends.

My course mates awarded me the prize of 'most successful long distance relationship' at our end of course party and having now received my college badge, I would still say I am more proud of the former rather than the latter. It was said in the graduation opening address that completing the demands of such an intensive course was an achievement, but to know that I did so while under additional personal stress makes me wonder how I managed. Of course I know the answer to that, it lies in the church support that I mentioned above and other friends that I was able to call on in moments of strife and distress and the faithfulness and love of the friend I have in Jesus.

Now that I am living my grown-up life as a wife and worker, I am thankful for the Lancaster time, the time that allowed me to discover who 'Morag' was. For while I was there, that's who I was, simply Morag; for once I was not someone's sister or daughter or girlfriend or academic mother, just ME. And I discovered that it was OK to be me, and that some of the things I believed about myself were not necessarily true but that quite a lot of people and God seemed to love me despite my making mistakes and getting mixed up about stuff.

God did some painful, difficult and amazing work in me while I was a student in Lancaster for which I'm grateful. I met some great people both there and in Carlisle, Hull and Glasgow where I spent time on placement and somehow along the way I managed to do some growing up. Not that I intend to ever fully grow up but the loss of student card and young person's rail card and the acqusitions of a car, job, husband and very soon a mortgage might indicate that 2005 has heralded Princess Morag - the adult.

Addressing the stress

Princess Morag has found her reign in this region somewhat stressful. After longing for the elevated title of 'Occupational Therapist' and wifely status, both work and home have required a period of adjustment. Having to devote 37 1/2 hours per week to the care and encouragement of fragile, troubled and lethargic souls does drain one. Previously full-time occupation was only ever of a temporary nature before taking sanctuary once again in the protected world of academia. Likewise, time spent with Sir Rianus tended to be taken within the context of vacation, and in the sunnier climes of California! Although a blessing to be married and not desiring to be parted, tension does seem to appear when sharing space, especially in how to keep that space from being taken over by piles of clutter!
Not only does work and the inevitable compromises of marriages affect Princess Morag but she seems to have a knack of allowing the everyday hassles to accumulate adding to the strain of appearing to cope. Perhaps it is not surprising that cracks would appear in the act of appearing 'normal'. Unfortunately when the cracks appeared, they were soon followed by gushes of water, a flood was avoided but there were definite puddles!
Sir Rianus managed to contain the occasional leaks with hugs and jokes but when yet another dam threatened to burst its banks he wisely advised to patch it up using the power of prayer! What good advice thought Princess Morag, who had previously thought of this solution but somehow never managed to put it into practice. However at this moment she knew exactly what to do. You see, she had voiced some of her worried to Sir Rianus in a long spiel of complaint but they still floated about and returned to annoy her, the way to get rid of them was to pin them to paper.

So out came the childrens drawing paper (it's large and therefore more able to catch God's attention) and the crayons (when you know you are a child of God, you might aswell act like one!) and onto the paper went the artistic representations of all that Princess Morag had allowed to overwhelm her. Sir Rianus helpfully contributed to the prayerwork but it was an offering that Princess Morag gave to Jesus with sorrow for not sharing with him her woes sooner.
So this entry goes out with a warning and encouragement. Don't let your worries build into a stress mess, the inevitable outburst is embarrassing and painful. Do share your concerns with the Lord Jesus, he is our Friend and promises to give us peace. Not a new lesson but it seems one that I require to learn again and again.

The Mystery of the Missing Kettle Tipper

One day Morag was taking a patient back to his house for a visit. There was a piece of equipment the man needed that would help making cups of tea easier. It is called a kettle tipper (because it tips the kettle), kettles can be very heavy to lift you know. The kettle tipper was supposed to be ready and waiting for the visit to the man's house, but it mysteriously disappeared.....
Thankfully the mysteriously disappearing kettle tipper was not the only one in the world and another kettle tipper was obtained in time (hooray!) At the man's house Morag had to utilise her problem solving skills in order to marry the kettle to its tipping apparatus - easier said than done and the instructions were awfully useful, as was the man who got to grips with the whole concept much faster than Morag! After cups of tea and coffee and a chat, Morag and the man returned to the hospital leaving the kettle tipper that had not mysteriously disappeared to fulfil its destiny.

Princess Morag falls ill!

On Wednesday, Princess Morag was rushed to the doctor from work by the wonderful Anna, who waited with her until the end of the ordeal i.e. collecting the antibiotics from the pharmacy! On her return home, Sir Rianus greeted her with a concerned embrace and sought to make her more comfortable providing the sustenance of food and drink. Princess Morag spent the evening and the following day languishing on the sofa in front of the television which offered little entertainment, but some escapism. Returing to work the next day seemed like a good idea until feelings of wobbliness arose again, so it was back to the sofa for Princess Morag!

Unfortunately, the weather today is not aiding Princess Morag's recovery as it is terribly humid, however the frolics of the Linlithgow Gala Day gave her some cheer. Although frustrated at the limitations of body, Princess Morag is rediscovering her long enjoyed past-time of daydreaming that helps to while away the hours. When she fully recovers she shall report more of her antics.

Morag enters the blogosphere!

Hello world!